Thoughts on Rin
by ChildOfTheGods12
Summary: Why did he race Rin? What possessed him to say yes? Oneshot one sided RinHaru, talking about how he felt after his race with Rin in middle school.


"Ha... Ha... Ha..." Pants rang throughout the room, as Nanese Haruka swam, aiming to go faster, harder. To get stronger, better.

He truly didn't care about scores, or timing, or winning, but he did care about Rin. His best friend, the only person who could actually get him to try.

Tap! His feet landed on the wall and with a sharp kick, he pushed off and like a bullet, darted though the water. Just like him, his mind was swimming, but not in water, in emotions. All the ones he never showed, or, more like, the ones he never wanted to show.

With another pant as he came up, he turned and pushed off the wall again, heading back towards the diving board.

Emotions confused him. Why did he have them? Why did everyone else around him expect him to use 'em? What if he didn't want to use them? Could everyone accept that? Could Rin?

"Ack!" Haru choked, quickly surfacing and coughing harshly, trying to get the water out of his lungs. He wasn't a dolphin, he wasn't a girl or a prodigy. He wasn't even a swimmer. He was supposed to be free, he was suppose to free. But he wasn't. He wasn't free.

Looking down at the water, he cursed at it. This ruined his friendship with Rin. Being competitive. It caused his friend to run from him, and the pain tugged at his heart. The very organ he hated the most.

With a ragged sigh, he fell back, and floated on top, his mind wondering.

Why did he care so much for Rin? Makoto was his best friend too, but even ten, he doesn't hold the same love and tenderness for him as he did for Rin.

Was it even right to call it love? He was only in middle school. Wasn't it wrong? To say you love someone like that... In a romantic way who's the same gender as you?

Haru sighed again, and for the first time in his life, water didn't feel like a safe haven but a prison, and he wanted out of it.

Climbing out of the pool, he kept his mind on Rin, when his elbow slipped, and he almost fell back in, having a close call with his chin almost connecting with the cement lining, scaring him half to death.

Shakily, he swam to the other side, and climbed up the ladder, gripping them so hard his knuckles turned white at the joint. Hesitating, he turned and looked back at the pool, and swallowed. His knees failed him, and he fell to the floor, as he kept his horrified stare in the pool. It looked like a monster, and it was coming for him.

He slid on the floor, backing up until he hit the wall. He wrapped his arms around himself and let his head hang, and a nasty sound dropped from his mouth. The sound of a hurt child, a scream loud enough to break eardrums, high pitched and shrill. Tears fell from his eyes as he screamed, them rolling off his down casted face and onto his lap.

He was scared, angry and hurt. Scared of the pool, scared of competition, angry at himself and angry he hurt Rin, and hurt himself because of his friends departure. The screaming stopped as his voice ran out, but the tears did not. He kept crying, for how long, he did not know, but he knew he couldn't stop them.

Memories of Rin's bright smile, and happiness, and eagerness to swim with him, all of it, made his heart break. Memories of Rin's tear filled eyes made him hate himself even more, and he hated his mind for keeping those memories. He wished he never raced against Rin, that he never stepped foot in front of the train track. His will to do anything, to try, shattered, and he let that sound be heard as he screamed again, he screamed the very name of the boy who broke him, letting the ceiling know who broke him, "RRIINN!"

"What?! Why!?" Makoto asked, after he blankly told his two friends, "I'm quitting."

"I don't want to compete anymore." Haru said, and his two teammates looked at him, shocked.

"Why?" Nagisa asked, and Haru sighed.

"Cause I wanna." He said, before turning on his heel and heading into class. He didn't plan on telling them about his break down, or about the race with Rin. It was his burden, and he planned to keep it that way.

He asked himself, 'Rin... Will this pay for hurting you... ?" He sat down, and was immediately surrounded by Nagisa and Makoto. Haru looked out the window, at the brewing storm outside, the trees being blown around like a rag doll, and the leaves abandoning their host. No matter how hard he tried to focus on the leaves, his mind kept on wondering, and no matter what he did, he kept on thinking about one name. One person.

Rin.

Rin.

Rin.


End file.
